Beware Icarian Friends I and II

© 1991

I - Beware Icarian Friends

For a moment I thought I'd fly into the Sun.
My friends said "Do it! Why not? Have fun!
You're adult, and you're free. You've a right to explore
what you want. Who you are. There are no holds barred.
So do you thing then let us know how good it was.
You deserve it. Don't fret what the World thinks or does.

Some of you waxed my wings. Some held me high
as drunk with excitement I rose to the sky.
My desire was focused on radiant Sunlight,
seeing the rapture I held as my Right.

By coincidence, then, I saw a blind flash,
heard blood-curdling screams of another's Sun crash.
That writhing hot agony was horrid to see.
I thought "OH MY GOD, OH GOD! That could have been me.
I fell from my fantasy, shaken withall.
No friend had warned of Icarian falls!

I could have lost everything I care about!
What fiend was it urged me to follow that route?
I wondered if my friends had all wished me ill,
or if they're just careless, or run-of-the-mill.
Where was their concern when I lost my cool head?
My reason was fuddled. "Follow it", they'd said.
One said "I was joking, and all I was doing
was helping you relish a mood you were brewing!"

II - Icarian Friends Beward

Well, hear now! I pick friends for reasoning so fine
It stands up beside me when I have lost mine!
What kind of friend were you? What kind will you be?
And what kind of friendship can you get from me?
Be sure, if my loved one should head for the Sun
they'd hear words from me of the risk that they run.
I may let their wings singe with some minor burning,
but not risk a charring death, even for learning.

There are all sorts of danger this could apply to, but this one relates to a friend of mine experimenting with drugs and me wrestling with what role I should play in cautioning him, and how he should appreciate my friendship for caring enough to confront him.

Without Potential

© 1964 (Age 17)

I am a man without Potential
I've got none of that essential
STUFF to show the world.
I've no pride in all the Doings
that all men seem bent on strewing
o're this raged and ragged, stripped and staggered globe.

I've no Motive, nor the Taste
for just living life in Haste
as it seems we're all required to.
And in treatment of my Brethren
no examples seem as Reverent
as I'm told they are . . . . . and should be!

Wish I could charge down a Path
spewing love and venting rath
letting those I trample lick their wounds alone.
Then perhaps I'd give THEM hope
I'd be climbing up the laddar
towards the Virtues OTHERS value.

But, alas, I'm doomed to Caring
and my heart is chained to bearing
all the woes and harsh indignities of Man.
And my tongue gets tied for Trying
and I freeze for fear of Lying.
What if I, too, do not know the Truth?

Those who love me, my how Queer!
For they know not how they seer
my heart to blackened embers.
For they whisper that I'm Empty
when it's only I'm attempting
for a better reasoned way. Where's the way?

If I'm lost and I seem vacant
Truth is this: I am waiting
for a sign that those who teach me
actually know the Proper Pathway.
Doesn't look like it from here
when all I see is fear, selfishness
and contradictions everywhere.

Though you mean no pain, nor scorn me
you don't realize how you've torn me.
I am lost among your Ambiguities!

Written in high school, shocked at the conduct of our church minister who ran off with another man's wife; adults around me who didn't remotely live up to the loving Christian values they preached; and a variety of teachers who played favorites and seemed to enjoy humiliating, with impunity, the students they didn't like.

No Longer Alone

© 1994

Tonight I discovered the Mother in me
and I'll never be lonely again.
I felt Her Madonna-like presence surrounding me,
hugging me, being my friend.

When Moms are around, it's nothing to fall.
You pick up, dust off, and go on.
There's always that circle of comfortable arms
to love you and welcome you home.

Moms frame your pictures, and treasure your scribbles,
and brag to their friends about you . . . . . . . .
but when you leave home there are lonely betrayals . . . . . .
and stunning hurts to suffer through.

Oh Mom! How I've needed your love all these years
when I've felt alone and far-flung,
running the gauntlet through blind and unfair,
lashed by carelessly poisonous tongues.

I've hid behind smiles, and "I see's", and "Oh well's",
a child still needing support.
I've hid in my comfortable home and my jobs
and not ventured much further forth.

I've watched others draw from some river of strength
that's not been a resource for me.
The gains that I've made have been modest indeed
compared to what's locked up in me.

I've hoped that some knight in white armor might save me.
Expected right reasoning to fix things.
I've been on my knees praying hard for assistance.
Invested in family and friendships.

But tonight I discovered the Mother within me,
Inside me, my best friend by far.
With my own love's protection, no longer abandoned,
I finally can reach for the stars.